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To say I’m a little depressed would be accurate.

I’m realizing today that I’m going to have to ask for way more help than I like to ask for.

I went to kill a spider last night, caught my toe on the hem of my pants, and ultimately broke my foot. It will be casted on Wednesday, if they don’t need to put a plate and screws in it. What does this mean? It means no running…obviously, but the bigger issue – no driving. Wow, does this limit what I can do.

I wanted to argue with the doctor – I wanted to say “no, I can drive…you don’t understand, I work part time…driving my children places is what I do”. But there is no arguing about it…I saw the xray (I have a souvenir copy of the pictures), I broke my foot. I cannot drive.

I am realizing my limits. Which I imagine is something I will do slowly over the next month.

I have really taken pride in accomplishments in the past couple years, pride in losing weight, pride in running like I do, pride in getting my children all the places they need to go when they need to be there. I was “taking it back”, and I used that phrase to describe self transformation more than once.

What a humbling experience to have to ask for help.

I’m afraid to become a problem for those that will be driving me around. I’m afraid the weight is going to come back with the inability to exercise. I’m afraid of failing at meeting one of my new years resolution goals. And I’m terribly disappointed to have to miss the 4 races that Nathan and I had signed up together to do this fall.

I am trying to stay positive about it. There are WAY worse things than a broken foot. WAY worse. It is what it is…and it is fixable. It’s just not easy.

If you’ll recall…this is what I said in January…

A couple easy ones…

1)I resolve to read one more book this year than I read last year. This year, in order to best last year’s number, I need to read 41.

2)I resolve to exercise in some form at least 306 days this year. Last year’s number 305.

Bringing us to number 3.

3)This is the hard one.

First a confession – I have an anxious personality. I am a worrier. I fret. It is one of the things I wish I could change about myself.

I want to worry less in 2012.

One example…We recently signed up for the Warrior Dash – this crazy, intense 5K…Will worrying about it do me any good? Absolutely not.

I want to be rid of the anxiety I have over it.

This is what I’m saying now…

First of all…never count your chickens before they’re hatched. The “easy ones” that I claimed I’d have no problem finishing – I’ve been fighting almost as hard for the first one as I have any of them.

Who knew that so much of life would get in the way of me reading 41 books this year? I have, as of Saturday, finished 32, leaving me with only 9 to finish in 4 months. However…I start Public Library Management 2 on Wednesday (the second half of a librarian certification program), and last year when I took the first half, I didn’t read a book for fun in 8 weeks. I’m coming to the realization I may have to try this one again next year. Hoping not, but we’ll just have to see.

It isn’t for lack of good reading material…evident by the stack of books by the bed that are almost as tall as the bed. And the husband just shakes his head every time I bring home another one.

Resolution number 2 – I’ve been very successful so far at this one. The number of days I haven’t worked out this year so far are less than 10. I think this one, I’ll manage to accomplish.

With this part of the New Year’s plan also came the renewed sense of purpose behind all the working out – to get rid of the extra weight. Last time I posted a photo, it was this one

…and I’m posting a new one here. I still am at a point where I hate photos of myself – I’m working on that. This is one I hate the least from this summer. It isn’t a stellar picture, but I tried to have my 6 year old take some of me to post the other day…and those turned out, well…we’ll just say not so good.

I had made an unspoken goal for myself to lose another 20 pounds before doing the warrior dash (coming up quickly!) and I’m glad to say I accomplished that…plus lost a few more before they found me again. I’m still not quite where I want to be for good. But I have hit the “normal” weight range for my height and age at least once, which has been a long time goal. Now, just to stay there.

I even think I’m doing fairly well (for me) on number 3. Perhaps I should ask the opinion of those around me for their input on how my anxiety level has been. There are certainly days where it is just through the roof and I have a hard time handling about anything. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that there are just situations I have no control over, and all I can do is be prepared the best I can, and see what happens. Easier said than done, but I’m trying.

And the warrior dash…I still have some anxiety…I think it stems from fear of embarrassment more than anything else. But our team assures me we are all in it together and all in it just for fun, and maybe we’ll even capture some of those fun moments on camera to share with you all!

All in all, I’m glad to say the update isn’t all bad…and while I’m thinking about it, I’ve got 4 months, I should get a jump on getting next year’s goals all lined up. Yeah right, I’ll still be thinking about it on New Year’s Eve…I can guarantee you that.