Let me put it right out there. Sometimes being brave sucks.
Well, not actually being brave, but feeling like you have to be brave.
We’ve been talking a lot about bravery at our house lately, and I’ve been reminded how in some situations as a parent I have to put on a brave face even though sometimes I don’t feel like it.
I feel I have to be brave when my husband isn’t home, and I have to tuck the kids in at night with all their fears and insecurities about the dark, open closet doors, etc…trusting that nothing bad will happen to us and we’ll all wake up the next morning, safe in our own beds.
I feel I have to be brave when there is a spider…or a frog…or really anything else that I’m scared of…and I have to deal with it. Heaven help me if it’s in my house…(okay, so the frog thing only happened once…but according to my daughter I screamed like a little girl).
I feel I have to be brave when my kids get a bit sad about moving. No that it’s not okay for them to show emotion about it – I surely have…and think it’s healthy. But let’s face it, if we’re getting through this, mom can’t be a blubbering mess.
We’re all excited. We’re all apprehensive too. It’s hard for me to explain to people when they ask if we’re excited about our new adventure. Of course we are, but at the same time we’re leaving behind 18 years of memories in Waverly.
I find that even though we’re starting something exciting, I have to remind myself not to think about it too much. Although my time for not thinking about it is coming to a close…as I pack up everything in our house, pay final bills in Janesville, and say so-long to friends who live here. (not goodbye mind you…just so long for now…)
I’m afraid even though we know people close to where we’re moving, and even though we have family near there, I’ll be alone. My husband will have this great new job, my kids will make friends in school and I won’t find anyone who understands me like my friends do here.
But I put on a brave face and I tell my children it will be an amazing adventure. I can’t tell who I’m trying to convince more…them, or me.
This post is not meant to be sad…It’s just a way for me to process the new and different we’re coming up on. It’s also a way to let you know if you see me out and about in the next week or so before we leave, and I look a little bit sad, nothing is wrong (and I’m completely excited for the new adventure) it’s just my brave face slipping a bit.