Ooh…first blog picture of me in a long time. Not sure how I feel about it. Makes me kindof afraid to put it out there. But that is what this post is all about…putting myself out there.

I thought for sure that with maintaining my goals from the beginning of the year, and exceeding some of them by far, I’d have more confidence in myself than I’d ever need. Apparently not. This gets me thinking…does one ever have all of the confidence they need?

What really got me going on this is the run I just signed up for. It had been a goal since we finished the Run Like a Mother to do another, longer race. We had been thinking 10K, but that isn’t in the cards this year. I signed up on Tuesday morning for Waverly’s annual 8K Best Dam Run. Now, an 8K (4.98 miles) isn’t all that much further than I’ve run before, but I must admit, since my stellar running partners injured themselves, I’ve slacked a little. I haven’t been going on long runs because, let’s face it, 4 mile runs by yourself are boring, 4.5 are worse, and 5 are downright dreadful (sometimes even with a partner). I’m getting nervous.

I set out last Sunday afternoon to run 4 miles, and hopefully prove to myself that this race could be done, and done with pride. Because to me, finishing strong means running (or jogging…comparatively to the other runners I’m sure) the whole 5 miles. I was proud to say that I ran 4 miles last Sunday, and kept on going for the full 5, and on a treadmill no less. I was watching football while I was running, and must say that a little more scoring in the Detroit/Chicago game would have kept me slightly more entertained. I’m sure next time they’ll try harder.

So, I come home feeling like I can do it, I can run this 5 miles. Its just 5 miles. I turn in my registration, and then the doubt and the fear set in. What if I’m the last one to cross the finish line? What if I can’t run the whole 5 miles? What if I’m running in a sea of other runners who are using this “short” run as a stepping stone to something bigger and this is all I can ever do? Why can’t I stop comparing myself to these other runners and simply be proud of what I’ve accomplished? Why can’t i see that what I’ve done is monumental for me?

A lack of self confidence sucks.

The things I know for sure. 1) I am not the fastest runner, but I am determined. This should carry me through to the end of the five miles, if nothing else will. 2) I will have cheering fans at the end of the run, and have a daughter who wants to run the kids fun run because she’s seen mommy running a lot, and even gone out a few times with me. I love her self confidence. 3) And after this run is over I will get to go celebrate my grandpa’s 90th birthday…and eat cake.

Lots and lots of cake.

So, if you see me next Saturday morning anywhere on my trail of 5 miles, feel free to give a happy wave and a thumbs up. I may not wave back. I may be concentrating too hard on finishing the sucker. But I’ll appreciate whatever encouragement and confidence you can throw my way.